first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
