I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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