I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Text me some of your sweat
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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