I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
