Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
