im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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