WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
