all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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