At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
