I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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