Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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