some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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