Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
