my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
