then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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