I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.