Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.