You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.