Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?