We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
areolas are like halos for boobs.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.