You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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