i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
