I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
