so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
