he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
