we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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