Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
