If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
