im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
