We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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