I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I yelled at your uterus for you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
