i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize