I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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