I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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