So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
