Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
