you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
