we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
