oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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