She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
