nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
