I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
