yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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