i think my tv is drunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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