please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
