her vagine was all disorganized.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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