he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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