This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
