and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
