My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
