this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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