You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
