The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
These tits shall not be calmed
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