I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
