Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
