if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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