her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think my moral compass just broke
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
