He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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