running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
