It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
