The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
