I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
