Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
