It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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