I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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