I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
