Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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