new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The ass gains better be worth it
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