True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
two words: eviction party
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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