the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
