I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
