yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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